Whether you are Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Pagan, or Atheist if you go to a Catholic University you will have to take theology. The Catholic University I went to required 18 credits at 3 credits a class.
Now if you weren’t an Atheist to begin with by the time you took your sixth class… To be honest although raised Jewish I was sitting on the fence of Agnostic but I did take some interesting theology courses such as Moral Theology with a Dominican Priest, Father Friel.
Father Friel was of Irish decent, over 6’4” tall with white hair, a ruddy complexion and gold horn rimmed glasses. He wore the Dominican Order off-white robe and sandals. Father Friel looked and talked exactly like my brother, Larry had said. Larry had Father Friel in a previous class and had warned me never to disagree with Father Friel.
Father Friel walked into the classroom the first day and said, "Raise your hand when I call your name.” “Antonacci, Bartalone, Canucci, Delassandro, Fitzgereld, Gallager, …., don’t raise your hand LEVY, I’m going to find you!”
Father Friel ran up and down the isles with his robes flowing and his rosary hitting desks when he suddenly stopped at my desk and took his index finger and pointed at me. “You’re LEVY aren’t you?” I said, “Yes, Father!” He said, “Do you know a Larry Levy?” I said, “Yes, Father!” He said, “Are you related to Larry Levy?” I said, “Yes, Father!” He said, “Do you know that Larry Levy is a dummy?” I said, “Yes, Father!” He said, “Are you a dummy?” I said, “Yes, Father!” Father Friel said, "we’re going to get along fine.”
Father Friel would lecture on Tuesdays and on Thursdays you were expected to come to class with at least two questions about Moral Theology for Father Friel to answer. Thursday was my favorite class because I would search the old and new testament bibles for questions that there was no way Father Friel could answer them. I’d raise my hand and yell, Father, Father, I have a good question.” Whenever Father Friel couldn’t answer a question he would always answer, “God only knows!” And I’d ask another question and Father Friel would answer, “God only knows!”
My Moral Theology midterm was 150 fill in questions. As you can guess from my previous ramblings I’m a smart ass. Yes, I did write “God only knows” one hundred and fifty times.
Two weeks later I got my midterm back and in red marker Father Friel wrote, “God gets and A, You get a F”
My grade report arrived in my mail two weeks after finals. In Moral Theology it said I got a “C”. I knew this was a big mistake and thought that if I took it to Father Friel for correction that instead of giving me the “F” I deserved, that he would be so impressed with my morals that he would give me a “D” so I wouldn’t have to repeat another Theology class.
I knocked on his door and said, “Father may I speak to you for a moment?” He said, “What do you want Levy?” I said that there had been an obvious error and that I got a “C” instead of a “F” on my grade report. Father Friel said, “that is correct, you got a “C”.” To which I replied, “As much as I don’t want a “F” how can you justify giving me a “C” when I cut your class most of the time, when I came to class I was the class clown, I failed the midterm, I failed the quizzes, I failed the final, how can you possibly justify giving me a “C”?” Father Friel looked me in the eye and said, “Look Levy, you’re still one of the chosen people and I’m not taking any chances.”